Just Home…

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I was house-sitting near Windward Circle last week. One night I went out to get a bite to eat. Before picking up some organic pink lentil soup and vegan coconut mousse at Seed, I took a stroll along the beach to watch the sunset then came back via the Boardwalk. There was a rock band made up of very thin and hip young men – all in very tight jeans – who were playing at the end of Westminster. They had a horn player, in particular, that caught my ear. I liked the song that was finishing. The sun was gone, only crimson dusk and baby blue left in the waning day sky. A gathered crowd was in a good mood, grateful that warm had returned to Southern California.

The singer – shirtless, standing next to a blonde guitar player – announced they were going to play one more song. An old black guy in a wheel chair and heavy green coat, sitting near me, made a sarcastic aside, “Oh now it’s the last song. The last one was supposed to be the last one…and before that, that was the last one.” He didn’t seem as if he wanted them to stop. I think he was annoyed that they were indecisive about when they were through.

Before they launched their final number, the singer – his hair cut so that it kept falling in his eyes – told us, in a European accent that might’ve been German, to look to our left, then to our right. “These are your new neighbors,” he informed us with the deep sincerity that only young boys, sure of who they have decided they are, can have. Regardless, of whether or not that friendly neighbor talk was real or just part of the show, I smiled. They were so young. Giddiness is fleeting, but sneaks up on you from time to time.

The Pink Floyd cover that came out next was barely tolerable, unfortunately, unlike the previous two songs I had heard. I lasted a few more minutes then headed back to the apartment.

The next day, I was walking dogs in Venice, near San Juan and Westminster, when a woman, with whom I was familiar from the neighborhood, called to me. She was holding two boxers by the collars. One of those boxers was red, but old with a lot of fur that had gone gray. The other, a female – was even older, white with sores on her belly.

The woman, in her 40s, had a walking cast on her left leg. She was of the Old Venice sort, a plucky, aging Granola gal kind of like me, I suppose.  ”Do you know whose dogs these are?” She explained that the boxers were out wandering.

“No, I have never seen them.”

“Can you help me? I don’t want them to end up in a pound.” They did not have tags and she wanted to put them in her car, so she could drive around the neighborhood. Though I knew old dogs like those would be put down in about five hours at a pound, I was a little nervous to assist, because the old female lab I was walking, did not always take to other dogs. But, she was fine. So, I held the grandlady boxer by the collar, while the woman put the other one in her car.

“Well,” I said, “you know they haven’t come from very far. An old gal like this can’t move that fast.”

“Oh, I know. They belong to someone close.” She took the other boxer from me, balancing herself on her good foot.

“I will look for open gates while I am walking dogs. If I see anything, I will let you know.” Pointing to the red boxer who had on a navy blue doggie jacket, “That one has a coat, so they haven’t been out very long.”

A half hour later, I hadn’t seen any houses, that looked as if they might have been security breached by a couple of curious, ancient canines. I told the woman when she stopped and asked. The dogs were still in the back of her car. She hadn’t had any luck in locating the owner either. “I’m going to take them to the vet and see if they have microchips,” was her next plan.

I found out later from a third party, who lived on that same street, that the dogs had been implanted with chips and they were returned to a grateful owner. I thought that a stranger in a walking cast had certainly gone to some trouble for a couple of really old animals that didn’t belong to her. That’s Venice. That’s any place where there is love. That’s home.

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Smiling Copper Dragonfly

From putting Bogey, the Big Dog, inside the house, a tired and foul mooded Dog Mama turned into a world where fairies do exist.

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Feisty

A man called her feisty.

He said he liked feisty women.

It was a compliment, so it was ok.

 

She had stopped being offended by feisty,

And other so-called compliments like

Fiery, spunky, plucky, spirited…

That some chose to say.

 

Life is too short for excuses to hate men.

Besides, they are harder to fuck that way.

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Urban Nature IV: Getty Gardens on a Late Sunday Afternoon

White flooding hope licks crimson revelers held staunch by cool, uneven shadow, kindling goldenrod crystal passion…

Amber leaves bristle, ” Come hither” to a shy purple flower. She covers her mouth, coyly, with gossamer orchid fingers.

Ah, my old friend, Bee. I cannot resist them…Says something about me, I suppose, that Grandma was deathly allergic and and I am fascinated by these creatures of endless duty.

Prickly, green sea-foam pops red and violet mermaid whimsy. Emerging in schools to breathe sunbeams – on undetectable pitches (in twelve part harmony) – they sing.

Simple and sturdy, golden thread touches and the wonders of organic structure. Nature’s fingernail brushes on Creation.

Sweet Daisy. Open, free and easy…Left on my own, it is what I strive to be.

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Drift Away

I was almost evicted from my apartment about a month ago. Well, not almost, there was an attempt; but LA has great rent control laws and I am a lady who asserts her rights, so the whole thing kind of disappeared. It was still unsettling and got me seriously thinking about how the hell I am going to make something of my life.

When the attempted eviction initially happened, I was determined that I wanted to stay here. I was starting to sing and play the guitar, even going to open mics. My storytelling is finding an outlet. I was making new friends and thought I was finding some places where I fit in. With the threat of almost losing my home, staying in Venice became vital.

After all, if I had to leave the neighborhood or the surrounding area, not only would I be out of a home, but my business would disappear as well. I can only survive if I can bike through much of my dog walking route. It is not really a way for a 40 year old woman, with a college degree to live, but there you go…

If I have faith, if I am strong, I will find a way. That is what I kept telling myself and, after bandying around some possible solutions to finding a new place to live, the problem kind of went away. So, I was free to face Venice with a sense of discovery, with fresh eyes, with a fresh sense of self…a beautiful, confident woman for once in my life.

Then, I realized my guitar teacher was feeding me bullshit in a hustle for (not inexpensive) lessons. Emotionally manipulative out of immaturity and neediness, he meant no harm. So, I forgive and forget silly notions and move on, admitting I can never really trust what I feel here. You don’t encounter a lot of truth in LA, well at least not the pretty kind. After awhile, you lose your sense of it…

A dream is born and it is immediately covered in lies, your own as much anyone else’s, I guess. As happy as it made me, I can’t really sing. As perpetually late as it made me, I am not good on the guitar. My father keeps trying to tell me, when I play for him over the phone, but he can’t quite make himself. He can’t make himself lie to me either…

Me and the Old Man have always sucked at lying…Though some good old fashioned patronizing and being proud of me for trying might actually do me some good…Instead, I have spent much of this morning unconsciously chewing my callouses off.

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Wandering around of late, I have been overwhelmed by how beautiful people really are, even though I stroll through kind of useless really. I don’t fit into Venice very well sometimes, a place in the world known for where people go, when they don’t fit in anywhere else.

Unwind a few tiny threads of my life and drift away…that would be nice…for a little bit, anyway…

Carried Away…

My imagination got carried away over this whole Silicon Beach thing. I have drifted in and out of other people’s dreams (or my obsessions with being a part of other people’s dreams), for quite some time. Not yet confident as a writer, I was unable to get a real bead on who I was. My own dreams have alluded me – not just in their pursuit, but in the actual formulation. I don’t think I planted any of my own seeds in Jamie’s Secret Venetian Silicon Garden.

I know Venice intimately, but from a distance, like a diligent and highly discreet stalker. (Though I have learned the hard way, not to make stalker jokes.) There was a time, back when I was unemployed and had only been a Venetian for a short while, that I was very happy in a state of blissful ignorance. I loved when the Canals were nothing but a big gorgeous house park, instead of a monument to gentrification. I loved when the Boardwalk was a carnival that held little interest, instead of a place that I consciously avoided.

My life in Venice Beach has been about birds, really.

Cranes, hawks, egrets, mockingbirds (an evil attack one lives on Amoroso), wild parrots (a whole freaking flock nesting in our palm tree), ducks (cheeky little bastards in the spring), swallows, geese, seagulls, pigeons, doves, crows, bluebirds, kestrels, pelicans (catching them in flight in the Canals with that wing span, still blows me away), hummingbirds…

My life is early morning fiction writing after yoga followed up with toast and strong, sweet coffee. My life is about insomniac nights, candles burning, Robert Johnson warbling Stones In My Passway, barely audible through my computer speakers, but fused with a haunting serenity nonetheless. My life is a little too lonely. That is mostly my fault. Sometimes I like it too much that way.

My life is about dogs. I lost one a few weeks ago. A beautiful lady black lab who was nine years old. She had a tumor on her heart and went so fast. When I go to the house to walk her surviving buddy, Ranger, I cry every single time. I’m crying now as I type this because I still cannot accept that I am never going to see her again. She was a good dog. I named my guitar after her. I still can’t play for shit, but the new Ms. Burton has an acknowledged spirit. That counts for something. As it turns out, that counts for everything.

My life is about bees and flowers. My life is about riding my bike to the ocean and watching the sun go down. My life is about singing when all the doors and windows are closed. My life is about walking to the Albertsons and saying hello to three or four folks along the way. Sometimes homeless guys manage to sleep in the brush surrounding the “Costco Compound.” Sometimes they even manage to set up a little camp. They never last long. Not only is it private property, it is technically Culver City where they don’t put up with that shit.

My life is about long phone conversations with friends, meeting for a drink, seeing a play or heading to a museum. My life is about my neighbors and a yard sale, a bag of mellow leaf and a fridge of Tecate that brings us all closer together. My life is about my family. My father so badly wants me to visit home.

I go to Starbucks for morning coffee when I don’t brew it myself. I would have preferred a local Mom and Pop for my regular joint, but none are within walking distance. Also, when a gal is up at 4am, there is something mighty nice about a place that unlocks its doors at 5:30am on the dot. Plus, the staff all knows me. They ask about my life. They were really excited about my cover story in the Beachhead.

I haven’t found much joy in many places, though the music and poetry are usually fabulous. People are not quite as alive as I had expected. There is a lot of sadness of which is spoken in the work, but not to each other.

Poetry nights at Beyond Baroque, a great band at the Talking Stick, something rare, but magical along the Boardwalk, walking around seeing all different kinds of folks…amazing stuff…But then there’s the old surfers and hippies who are always wanting a hug, which lasts way too long and/or involves a penis press and/or an ass grab. They bandy the phrase “Free Love” around like it is 1969 and that’s what they still mean.

In Venice Beach, it ain’t often about Free Love. Not anymore. It’s Free Fuck. Getting in, getting out and getting off – that’s howdy do Hollywood style. But, what do I care?!? It’s a free country. We all have to live in a body. Most of the time, people just want a fantasy.

What I do care about; however, is the lie that covers it all up, the pretty graffiti we slap all over that hard, exposed, entitled cock and say it’s art and, therefore, love. Those lies are something we don’t talk about in Venice Beach. Just like the rest of America, we don’t really call things what they are. We are no less hypocrites here than folks are anywhere else, we just have a good soundtrack.

There are a lot of things in Venice I would like to see change, but who the hell am I? I was proud to stand up for Free Venice in the Beachhead after that loaded Town Hall. Free Venice has a voice that needs to be heard and it was unfairly ambushed. But, I am certainly not that voice. I have not been here long enough and am not embedded in its history. I am in love, but not attached.

I am a bird watcher. I pray and meditate and lose myself in God on my best days. I lose my temper and yell at sanitation workers, who are blocking the one-way street with their truck on my bad days…

I am a happy woman who could be much braver in sharing her happiness, face to face, instead from behind a word processor. I could do much better living my life and I plan to do just that.

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Urban Nature III: Sun, Moon, Sky and Venice Beach

I spend a lot of time looking up. A natural dreamer, I often stare at the heavens and imagine myself there – always a different version, of course. Maybe instead of an actor, I should’ve studied to be an astronaut. Somehow, we all seem to find a way to escape around here.

Every once in awhile, no matter how much one might love Venice, you need a change of scenery. Taken atop LA, in Topanga Canyon, during a hike with one of my dearest friends, if you look really hard, there’s the Santa Monica Pier jutting into the Pacific. Venice is just to the south…

From the High Rooftop Lounge of the Hotel Erwin, a favorite spot to have a drink and watch the sun go down. Just be careful of crazy, skinny redheads who desperately need a cocktail and maybe a little something something extra.

Taken on a private rooftop, I was house sitting and enjoying the amenities.  It was back in March when the Venus-Jupiter conjunction was so visible in the night sky. Though hard to spot, the two planets are hanging out together at the top of the photo.

We had an absolutely spectacular sunset last autumn following an unusual afternoon of thunderstorms. I took about a hundred pictures and this is one of my favorite. If you look closely, you can see the eye of God – and the nose, upper lip, and maybe a little bit of His beard.

A few weeks ago, out for a late evening stroll, I snatched a waning crescent moon rising above the treetops. Ah to sleep, perchance to dream…

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Urban Nature II: Bees and Blooms

There are many things in which one might become lost while in Venice Beach. The natural beauty certainly ranks up there with the most obvious. Ocean views and sunsets, mountains to the north…all stunning…

In Venice, as in most communities, there is the tiny beauty that hovers all the time that we do notice, but perhaps, at which we don’t often take a hard look. On my days working as a dog walker, I try to snap a shot or two for posterity with my smart phone, an HTC Imagine.

I was lucky to catch this bee, not only working such a beautiful flower, but with that old blue car in the background.

This worker appears quite in love with the lilac, tucked away in her sweet fragrance and tasty nectar.

Kissed by a buzz and the California sun. I never realized how beautiful bees were. When you look hard at nature this small, you can really see how it all works together.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise except as permitted under Sections 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee.